X-mas Presents II


My girlfriend and I like movies. I hear about some couples who don’t like the same movies. That sounds terrible. Thankfully Laurel and I like the same things:

  • Tits
  • Crude one-liners
  • and the retro stylings of the 70’s both, 18 and 1970s

For X-mas this lovely little lady got me all these as gorgeous Pam Grier does what she does best; laying the smack down on white pushers and their naturally weak white hoes. Her sexcellence is best evidenced in her title roles as Coffy and Foxy Brown.

Coffy chronicles the epic revenge of a black woman on the edge. A night nurse begins getting vengeance on the pimps and pushers of her hood after her sister (13 years old) ODs on smack. 13!

Holy shit they hook em much older than cigarettes.

Holy shit they hook em much older than cigarettes.

Her cop ex-boyfriend who is a prince among pimps is horribly murdered as she begins to feel “feelings” for him again. Her vengeance spiral continues as her current boyfriend, a black senator and sleaze, rises in power. Think of an evil Terence Howard. Eventually Coffy kills her way up the pimp ladder using the bodies of hoes as rungs. So much excellent hoe-on-hoe action it’s like a garden shed fell over… and everyone’s breasts were hanging out! They even make excuses to show more breasts. Gratuitous? Hells yes.

White women are naturally fearfull of assertive black women once their illusion of power is smashed like so many coke bottles.

White women are naturally fearfull of assertive black women once their illusion of power is smashed like so many coke bottles.

The Colour Purple has nothing on Coffy.

The Colour Purple has nothing on Coffy.

Long story short she gets hers, and he gets his. Her senator man boy orders her killed with drugs, she escapes and finds him bedding a white woman, in a complete treachery of his people. And then clack clack double shotty in the body.

So the script calls for more contrived nudity you say?

So the script calls for more contrived nudity you say?

Wait, there's a chance to show tits again back here!

Wait, there's a chance to show tits again back here!

Oddly the plot of Foxy Brown is about the same but higher scale. Foxy’s dead man is an FBI informant. Her traitor is her brother. She busts up international drug rings, infiltrates international sex rings and flies a plane through a guy!

I think I’ll write a blaxploitation film!

Independent, strong, and forceful woman avenging her dead lover. National or international drug and prostitution rings abound and are bested by said woman. Tits are exposed. Someone says ‘bitch don’t even’. Someone else says ‘daaaaamn!’ Big cars, big afros, and tacky tacky wallpaper.

Now all I need is a title…

  • Hott Chocolate
  • Dark Roast
  • Foxy in Sox
  • Steamed Latte (this one’s with a white girl)

Titles are hard, I’d like to see you do better!

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